After a LOT of soul-searching today, and a lot of agonizing and trying to assuage my self-doubt, my fears (I can't do it, I won't succeed, my art isn't good enough yet, I can't write stories people will want to pay for..), my everything, I really feel like I want to keep on working. I want to try HARD. I really, really want to push myself, and make something that people will like (love!!), feel inspired by, and that I feel proud of. Some things that when I look at them, I go, "wooooow, Jamie. You rock, seriously." Okay, maybe it sounds a little bit stupid when I put it like that, but it's how I really look at it.
Well, in any case, it was a long, tough day today. Nobody can be harder on me than myself, and all... -_-;; I'm kind of starting to put together an attack plan, to seriously grasp my destiny. A way to do it....
1. Sign up for Comitia 85, which is a BIG Original-only doujinshi event at Tokyo Big Site. If there is a good place to get a large exposure, this is it. I haven't decided on what genre I am going to sign up for, and how many, and I have until the end of June to make that decision and pay for table space.
2. Work on developing these doujinshi. I need to choose what I am going to do, and right now I am working on two ideas. One is Ytheru and Alix's story (naming in progress), a yaoi story that I began to write with my now-housemate aionwatha, years ago. It's hard, hard yaoi, but has a simple premise and I believe, a really interesting story later on. I talked with Ami, and she would be willing to do a side-story, while I would have the main one. If I don't do this for Comitia (it is likely I will, though I will have to be satisfied before I let it go to print!), then I will do it for the following one or an original yaoi event. It is defintiely getting made at some time!
I am also pondering working with the stories of Taku&Kyou (written with alsie), and the Yonteia story (written with aimaru). Probably one day I will do both, but it's pending on time. Right now, there is a lot on my plate, so those will go on the back-burner for the moment...
The other idea that I am seriously considering for Comitia is a post-apocalyptic story that I started looking at last summer. Over the almost year that's passed, I've fleshed the world out a bit, mostly in my mind rather than on paper. But I really, really like where it is going. And I was thinking (based on the art style of a friend's friend), I'd really like to try drawing something that's just a bit "moe".. Er, just for explanation, "moe" is a big trend in Japan right now, focusing on how hot/cute/etc a girl is. A lot of it's somewhat loli, but not necessarily adult in nature. The story that I'm working on right now is not going to be adult at all, just have a bit of a moe-style of drawing, if that makes sense.. If you want to see what I mean, I opened up my deviant art account for the first time ever, so that people can follow along with me: http://hinoai.deviantart.com/art/In-at-the-beginning-84809892
Feel free to leave me a comment/note! ^^ You can see what I mean with the rough style there.. My friend Adrian has said that he'd love to do a book with me for Comitia, so I'm hoping that I can talk to him about this world more when I see him at work on Thursday, and maybe he'd be up to doing this. ^_^
3. Before I start actually working on these book(s), I need to finish 2 pages for Eda's Saji/Louise book. This will hopefully be mostly-accomplished tomorrow! After this, I need to work on 2-3 pages for the Gundam 00 english anthology that I'm co-producing (?? lol) with Eda for Anime Expo. This is going to be great! I have my ideas mostly down, just need to get them done. I'm glad it's so few pages, because I think that I will be a lot happier with the work that I can do with them.
4. After I've decided what book(s) for Comitia and come up with circle/title names, I will get to work on the books! Of course while doing the others I will still work on character designs/story.
5. Don't forget to work on the launch for Kappamaki, my webcomic! Wow, the work piles up! But I think people will really like it, even if it's just silly fluff. ^^ Need to talk to Gin about linking each other...
That's all for now. I can't believe that I'm not in bed now, I'm about to drop from exhaustion (emotional, mostly). I need to be up early to start drawing when Eda comes over (and clean up the clutter from packing so many things recently!).
I definitely could use a few hugs. It's been a stressful time recently, and I'm having a really hard time moving beyond them. But it's one step at a time, when you come to obstacles, yknow.. Even though I've tripped and hurt my knees, I refuse to give up without a fight....!