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18 August 2007 @ 10:59 pm
Uuuugggggggggggggghhhhhh!! Alive, aliiiive desu!  
It's only been a little over a week, but I haven't written in my blog and my Mom wrote me to make sure that I'm still alive. Yep, I'm still alive, as alive as ever!!

It seems like life has been a series of interpersonal-relations problems combined with trips galore this summer. The good and the bad, right? I'm winding down from so much action right now, and it feels like finally I have the time to think with a clear head. I wonder if I'm too picky? Well, I'm certainly quite sensitive, and the number one thing that I hate is having my feelings hurt without an apology. But what am I supposed to do when someone knows that they hurt me and yet won't apologize for hurting my feelings? I don't know.. I suppose this isn't really something that I want other people's answers to, but more of something that I have to look inside to find the answer. I kind of feel like if someone doesn't care that they've hurt me, then they're not really my friends.. this is how I feel towards others, in any way. If I hurt them, I'll apologize to them, because they're important to me, even if I don't agree that I did anything wrong. I don't want to hurt my friends, is the bottom line.

I'll write about my newest trip in a few days, and about other things. Mt Fuji!! (which, btw, is a HARD, and I mean VERY difficult climb). There's so much to catch up on. And thanks to my friend Jenya, I will be doing a little bit of seiyuu work next week. It will be very interesting, I think! I'll add that to my list of really cool things that I've been able to do here in Japan. I also may have something else soon. We'll see~~

PS: I watched Sayonara, Zetsubou-sensei today for the first time. I've never seen a character that's more like the real me, ever, than Kafka-chan. I feel like I've lost touch with 'me', especially as it comes under scrutiny a lot, but it's how I really am and I am going to aim hard towards returning to the real me. ^^ Everyone that's seen this show will know what I mean. ^^
aiuta on August 18th, 2007 02:04 pm (UTC)
Hi, I've been reading your LJ for quite some time and I think it's really cool to live in Japan; I bet it's a great experience and I hope that one day I'll be able to get there too. Can you please add me to your friends list? Maybe we will be able to talk some more about life in Japan!
Hi-chan (火ちゃん)hinoai on August 18th, 2007 02:11 pm (UTC)
Sure. ^^
I hope that you reach your goal someday of coming here, and that you enjoy it! ^^ Japan is really one of those places that is what you make of it. Some people love it, others hate it, (I go through both frames of mind at times), but in the end it's all down to attitude. And if you want to get here, you'll definitely be able to realize that dream someday!
mizukiaya: yeh sweetmizukiaya on August 18th, 2007 02:17 pm (UTC)
Zetsubou-sensei is a riot. I prefer Kaere myself.

Good luck on your new possible project. Actually do you have Jenya's contact info? I'm interested in doing more seiyuu work and I'd like to ask for advice.
Hi-chan (火ちゃん)hinoai on August 18th, 2007 02:39 pm (UTC)
Thanks ^_^
Mm I do, but I can't give it out without her permission. There is an email address on her site though, so try that. If she doesn't answer, I'll ask her to email you. ^^

I haven't seen much of you at all this summer! We should hang out sometime soon. ^^
mizukiaya: jomy and soldier bluemizukiaya on August 18th, 2007 03:02 pm (UTC)
You've been going out of town so often it seems.
I'm always up for karaoke. I have to work 2 days this week but other than that I'll prolly be free.
Sheryl Nomepocket_girl on August 18th, 2007 03:48 pm (UTC)
Zetsubou-sensei is the favorite anime at the moment, I'm just crazy about Sensei himself :)

and, I'm not sure if I can help, but write me to itsuki@otaku.ru
Insomniainsomnia on August 18th, 2007 02:26 pm (UTC)
Hope your relationship problems get better, and that you get the girl in the end.

Yay for yet another series to watch! Fansubbed here, btw.

I finally saw Nana 2 subtitled, which just seemed somehow incomplete. Also saw the Dorama "One Litre of Tears", which is pretty much the saddest thing ever. It would never fly in the U.S., unfortunately.
Hi-chan (火ちゃん)hinoai on August 18th, 2007 02:45 pm (UTC)
LOL You make my life sound like an action-hero movie. :D I guess that makes me Spider-man? XDXD;; Or is it Batman? But he's not going for any girl, really.. Maybe I can be an Xman!

Yeah, I didn't really like Nana2 either, even though I was in it. I guess that's why it's special to me, but the movie itself seemed to lack in so many areas. I can't wait to see the Hollywood adaptation that I heard is in the works!!
Insomniainsomnia on August 18th, 2007 03:06 pm (UTC)
You mean your life isn't an action-hero(ine) movie?!

Thing is, I do like the actresses in Nana quite a bit... but Nana 2 had, by definition, very little interaction between the two of them, which is really what Nana is all about. As a result, it didn't really connect.

I really liked Nana, though it seemed far too short! Maybe they should've shot an extended edition, where they add an extra hour of them all just hanging around the house making tea, playing music, having "ne Nana..." monologues, looking adorable, and cuddling.
Hi-chan (火ちゃん)hinoai on August 19th, 2007 07:08 am (UTC)
I would have definitely liked more of that, too. =^__^= For me, Nana was never about the bands, it was always about the relationship between the two girls. ^^
Gin・ジン・仁・:): RAICHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOdenkimouse on August 18th, 2007 02:29 pm (UTC)
hey, let me know when you have a free day... me and bon want to cook you some dinner... :3333

man, my ex is becoming a model, you doing some seiyuu work... i feel so held back with this visa crap, but i think it's an excuse. even if i didn't have visa problems, i'd just sit at my computer doodling instead of putting myself out there... sigh. you are very inspirational.
Hi-chan (火ちゃん)hinoai on August 18th, 2007 02:48 pm (UTC)
OMG really??? I love free dinner, ANYTIME!! <3<3 Actually, I'm free almost anyday after Wednesday. You guys?

LOL I'm not really doing anything. Mostly things just end up falling in my lap and I'm like, "hey, that seems fun, let's do it!" In a way, that's what life is really like, right? A series of happy coincidences. ^^ Like meeting you. I'm really glad that OU brought us together! We really do need to see each other more!! *hugs* And I wanna see this apartment that I hear so much about. =^__^=
Gin・ジン・仁・:)denkimouse on August 18th, 2007 02:51 pm (UTC)
i'm really hard to get out of the house for anything lately. i feel like i am turning hikikomori ;-; but i am trying to stay upbeat despite it all.

anytime after wednesday? i think it shouldnt be an issue... :> i need to wait since i know we are going back to the lawyer's office sometime late next week, but i will let you know... :333 ill post once i know when we are going.
百加☆nitaspitas on August 18th, 2007 03:15 pm (UTC)
You're back! *hugs* Sorry we didn't get to hang out as much as I would've liked :/ But, I'll definitely plan to be back sometime, even if I dunno when yet ^^

I just started watching Zetsubou-sensei, too, cos Mew and Mizukiaya kept saying how good it was ^^

also, just checking to make sure you got the money I left for Akito ^^;
Hi-chan (火ちゃん)hinoai on August 19th, 2007 07:10 am (UTC)
Yeah, I wish that we'd been able to hang out more too!! ;o; But there's always more time-- we have all the time in the world! You're always welcome to stay here again, and hopefully next time I'll have more free time to hang out with you. ^^

Yep, I got the Akito money. Sankyuu! ^o^
Sana-chan: Thoughtfulsana_chan on August 18th, 2007 04:27 pm (UTC)
I really hate when people hurt my feelings, and knowingly do so, yet don't apologize as well. I'm sorry you're having to deal with that right now :\ It shouldn't matter how bad you fight, if they're really truly your friend they should see what they've done and apologize.
Raynermundist on August 18th, 2007 05:57 pm (UTC)
Good to hear you're still kicking. And your mom emailing you asking that saves me the trouble...this time. Heh.

Sucks to hear things have been as they have, and considering the different stuff you've written about lately I can't be sure which exact situation has resulted in feeling wronged. Some have more obvious potential than others. So, 3 things:

1. Remember that people sometimes apologize in the way that makes sense for them. It's like people showing affections. Some spend money, some do little things. Sure, it's great if their way matches your so things are clearer, but that wouldn't be life, would it?

2. Make sure they actually know what you believe they did wrong. A teacher once told me, "Once you find out you have wronged someone is it your duty to fix it." The two key things there to me are first, KNOWING, and the other is taking action to fix it. Also, note that there is no comment about them being "right" in their perception of what I have done, it's just working with what they believe happened (even if they remember events incorrectly).

3. If you work things out remember this joke I heard from a comedian: "So now she's made at me and I don't know why. So I ask, 'What did I do?' and she says 'If you don't know I'm not going to tell you!' So I reply, 'Well, then don't be surprised when this shit happens again!.'" A funny joke and OH so true.

Finally, just make sure you're happy with the likely consequences. I'm about to see friends for the first time in seven months this weekend, so I'm a touch biased in trying to keep people I like close. Oh and when I said "see friends" I don't mean a specific group, I mean it's the first time I've seen ANY of my friends in that seven month span.

Anyway, I hope you can figure things out on the positive side. Always sucks when you're trying to enjoy down time and it seems like anything but once you have a breather.
Hi-chan (火ちゃん)hinoai on August 19th, 2007 07:18 am (UTC)
The situation that I'm really upset over is something that I haven't written about. But it's more because I don't want to air my dirty laundry in public. Eventually, it should just come down to me and the other person. I would like sooner than later, but in this case, I don't know when there will be a resolution... as always, the waiting is hard on me.

1+2. Well, the person involved changed their actions after I blew up at said person.. that, I appreciated, but it's not really the same. I still felt like, without an apology, that said person didn't care that they'd hurt my feelings. Not just hurt them, but hurt them and continued to build upon it until I finally got so upset that I yelled.

3. Yeah, I don't understand why people don't tell others when something is bothering them. I mean, there are little things that happen all the time with all friends that are just momentary irritations that are better left alone, because they're not important (you know what I mean?). But something big, I think that it should always be discussed sooner rather than later. I'm trying to find ways to be more diplomatic about my concerns, but it's hard. In any case, I've definitely said straight-out the main things bothering me to the person involved. Some specifics I didn't have time for, but maybe someday there will be time, I hope. It's a lot easier to look back on things after a few days and see exactly why I was/am angry, that's for sure. And easier to talk about them without getting so upset.

Haha-- I know not what a breather is! ^^;;
Raynermundist on August 19th, 2007 10:07 am (UTC)
WTF? I swear I am having the worst posting problems lately. I don't know why my response was set as a reply to sana_chan.

Anyway, if you don't know why you were/are angry how could you have straight-out said the main things bothering you? I'm confused.

Any chance some of those "momentary" irritations lasted longer than the moment? I just ask because we (people) tend to excuse/ignore things that irritate us that we haven't REALLY learned to deal with or accept and then they help something that really torks us off build in momentum and impact.

Undiscussed unresolved issues always boomerang back. The thing is if you don't acknowledge them when they arise (or soon after) you tend to catch that boomerang in the back of the head because you're not paying attention to the feelings you initially had.

Anyway. It's late. That's all I've got for now.
Hi-chan (火ちゃん)hinoai on August 19th, 2007 11:02 am (UTC)
Ahhh, sorry if I wasn't clear. ^^; What I meant was that I know why I was angry, but having time afterwards let me think about why those things made me angry. Why did those actions hurt me? And how do I feel, beyond just being "angry"? I can break it down a lot more clearly after the fact, and understand why they made me feel the way that I did (not that what she did wouldn't have hurt me, but what was it that hurt me and why?). I really hope that that makes sense..

Mmm, when I think about momentary irritations, it's little things like a joke that I didn't really like, or something that only pops up that once. Maybe it was a little irritating at the moment, but in the long run it doesn't matter, you know? For example, someone talking too much at one time, when you have something to say. Most people do that at one time, and it's nothing to get angry over even though it can be irritating. Unless of course, it's something that happens constantly. If it's a recurring phenomenon, or something that bothers me strongly, I'd definitely bring it up. I'm bad about confronting someone without being confrontational, though. It's really hard, when you're angry, to make sure that the other person doesn't feel attacked too. (This doesn't pertain to this example, but just in general for me.)
Raynermundist on August 19th, 2007 03:41 pm (UTC)
So you mean saying, "I'm upset" when things happen but telling the person only a bit and saying "I need to really figure the rest out, but I had to say for now at least that I'm upset." Something like that? Yeah, that makes sense. In all honesty it would have to take some guts too in order to ask the person to stop even though you don't fully understand why it is that you want them to. Better to nip it in the bud sometimes (OK, most of the time).

My big thing was wondering at what point you say something about a "little" irritation. I'd say you have pretty clear ideas of when you say something (if that is truly what you do in action).

You're bad about being confrontational? Really? Hadn't picked up on that in these past few years. =P Listen hon, not to excuse how you act at those time, but it is part of the process of getting your backbone fully grown. The thing is, if you stay in that phase too long it becomes more common, then...well...you become the thing you hate. The person who attacks people and justifies every bit of aggression they have.

As far as being "angry" goes, I like a sign that a counselor (5th grade) used to have on her door. It said: "It's OK to be angry, it's not OK to be mean." Anger is just a sign you're upset. It's not a BAD emotion. What you do with it, how it fuels your action, that's where the trouble comes in.

I'm confrontational too (you know that) but I try to keep my head straight. I've been where you've been and I am PLEADING with you not to be there anymore. My experiences show that in the end the trouble doesn't end, it just changes shape...and usually by your own hand, which just sucks SO hard.
Hi-chan (火ちゃん)hinoai on August 19th, 2007 07:12 am (UTC)
*hugs* It's one of my biggest problems with people.. I guess that I was just raised that you always apologize when you hurt someone, even if you don't think that you did anything wrong. The point is that you're hurting someone important's feelings. How many times I had to apologize to my brother or sister when I never wanted to, oh man...

But I guess that I'll just have to see from here. It's at least nice to relax finally~~
Miharuru ( ミハルル): Sanada's SLAPmiharuru on August 18th, 2007 07:07 pm (UTC)
If they don't apologize that's because they are putting their pride in front of their relationship with you or, yes, they simply don't care. Some people prefer to lose friendships instead of just admit they did wrong... bah You'll find the answer ♥
Which anime are you doing the seiyuu job ?:O *curious*
Hi-chan (火ちゃん)hinoai on August 19th, 2007 07:20 am (UTC)
I don't know if it's pride or something else... I can't read this person well yet.. (not that I can read anybody well, but..) I just don't know. The tension between us upsets me now most.

Not an anime, it's for a game-demo. ^^
+: piggybabymoss on August 19th, 2007 03:02 am (UTC)
Sorry someone hurt your feelings :o( maybe she or he will see sense and apologize soon?!. I hope so.

Congratulations on climbing Mt Fuji. You achieved something really special~
And congratulations on your exciting new job, hope you have fun!! =D

Hi-chan (火ちゃん)hinoai on August 19th, 2007 07:22 am (UTC)
I hope so....

LOL Fuji, oh man, if I never see that mountain again, it's too soon! I have put aside my ambitions to one day scale Kilamanjaro, because of it! Leave the mountain climbing to the climbers!
美夢: Kawaiiii_miyuchan_ on August 19th, 2007 06:44 am (UTC)
ara, it seems hard. Mhmm, why don't you confront your friends about it? Chances are that being all different they might not realize they are hurting you and if they are your friends you can be suree they will understand you.
I know it happened with me in the past, I was hurt by things but the ones that hurt me didn't realize it at all.
But my way to deal with those problems is always to confront directly.
Ganbare and I hope to finally be able to meet you again! I thought you were coming too with the others last week but it will be for another time I guess? XD
Hi-chan (火ちゃん)hinoai on August 19th, 2007 07:27 am (UTC)
I'm not sure what the reasons are that this person hasn't apologized yet, but she definitely knows that she hurt me. I even ended up yelling at her, after telling her that I was hurt. Never mind that it had all started the day before and was just carrying over (again, when I told her that I was hurt by her).

I didn't know that you were coming out last week together! Where did you go? I was gone from Tuesday through Friday.. ^^; I definitely want to see you more before you go back! We really haven't had much opportunity to see each other at all this summer and I'm going to miss you when you go! ;_; (Come over to see my house and kitten sometime!)
❮CHIIAE❯chiiae on August 19th, 2007 11:18 am (UTC)
*_*;; mt. fuji was really hard...god...I am taking all of tomorrow to sleep. We started from level one and then found out at the top that you could also start from level 5...mahmah. But the view was amazing.

Oooh seiyuu work! Sounds exciting!