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03 December 2006 @ 12:52 pm
A return to life~  
I can definitely say that I have some really, really great friends. Both here in person, and far away where I can't see them, I really do. Words from a lot of great people that I know have touched me when I've been feeling down. What I really would like you to know, I guess, is that it's not some famous person, or some philosopher or character, it's you my friends that are my heroes. The people who mean the most to me.

You could say that it's definitely my fault, what happened about two weeks ago. It doesn't even feel like it's been that long, but I guess that it was really the first week that passed ever-so-slowly. I've been bombarded with emails, many of whom I ignored (I'm sorry... I did read them, but replying has been difficult...), but it took about a week for me to sort out my thoughts and come to any kind of a realization about myself. I can't nor do I want to talk about what happened, but there is a friend involved that it will take a long time to get back to normal. But I do believe that eventually, things will be alright again. Other friends though, I feel closer to than ever, and this last week (week 2), I took plenty of time to take things slowly. I returned to work (though I didn't want to...) and spent a lot of time split between being quiet and thinking of my own emotions, and spending time with friends who care.

I won't say that I feel perfectly great now..... but, I feel a lot like myself. I'm mostly over what happened, though there is a lingering strong concern about things that probably won't go away soon... but otherwise, I've bounced back to myself for the most part. Maybe 82% myself, I guess I would say? I'm cheerful most of the time now, though it's very easy to remind me of other things and bring my mood down. I guess I'm feeling very fragile, but on the outside of the eggshell is me.. it makes sense to me, at least, and I hope it does to other people..........

One thing that I thought about a lot while I was "yukkuri"ing my life down (slowing), is that actually in some ways I feel lonely. That's why there are days when I just can't sit in my apartment without the TV on (and it has to be english-language programs). Not even movies, it's got to be tv shows and the like. It's because with that on, it feels like there is someone home with me, but it's not someone who has to talk to me and disturb what I'm doing. There just should be someone there. I actually don't watch a lot of stuff, I mostly leave it on and listen to it and occasionally look at it, but I'll leave one or two shows on all day if I'm home all of the time. It's interesting..... sometimes, I listen to music (like now), but only when I need to really think or am really absorbed in something creative (writing or drawing). Even if I read, I need something else in the room to make noise. (By the way, stuff I watched this week.... Feel free to talk to me about these shows if you like them too, anytime. I really love them and don't usually have anyone to talk to about them)

So.... I'm not sure what else to say. I want to talk about the holidays, but right now, I'm going to be quiet and take a long bath. Need to take some time to myself again, today.... back to work tomorrow but soon it'll be Christmas break, which I'm really looking forward to☆ Ah, and new blog layout for winter, what do you think? I think I'll change it seasonally from now on.

And these are some pictures that I wanted to post...
The day before the accident, I went out with Hwen and some other friends. It was snowing that day (Tokyo is SO COLD!! Anyone who says otherwise is a LIAR) and we went to an animation at Adrian's school in Akihabara. Completely randomly literally ran into A-chan at the station, lol... It happens so often, I really do believe that Tokyo is a lot smaller city than it seems!

My lovely photography skills:

Only in Japan would all of the bestselling ties be PINK.

I went to the movies with Jun on Friday and this was in the central plaza shopping area. I loved it, so I had to take a picture.

Last night went with Eda and Erin to try a new Mexican food place where the food was half off between 5 and 7. I just love the drawings on the wall!!

And passing by an eatery last night... oh man, they have some really interesting choices, I want to try them out!
Green potato curry sandwich, currant&earl gray tea muffins, etc...

Well..... I am really moving on with my life. I will repair the friendship that was involved in what happened, and eventually things will be lovely again. Here's to always hoping for the best, and on making sure that this holiday season is a great, beautiful one. ^^

PS: I saw "The Devil Wear Prada" in the theater, and I really want to get Anne  Hathaway's haircut. Do you think it would look good on me? So chic..! Jun thinks that I already look a lot like her..... hmmmm..... (though I can't afford couture of course, nor is all of it any good... oh man, and I think that Japanese fashion is bad? Not even comparable!)

Planning some short trips this holiday season, and some for right after March when my contract ends. Gonna expand my horizons by visiting great places that I've never been to (cheapest ones first ^^).

My Switch wo Osu Toki dvd came yesterday, and I still haven't watched it... same with Rokkaku myu which I've had ever since the day the bad thing happened.... I need to watch them, but my japanese has been suffering really badly..

So, here is to the me that is more in touch with me, and more attentive to what my conscience/emotions are telling me. Here is to the dawn, where the twilight made me really think about a lot of things about me and what I wasn't doing for myself. Here is to the dawn of treating the important things as important as they should be.

And I thank all of you. Thank you for taking the time to comment on my journal when I was having a really hard time, and for taking the time to write me/ call me/ email me if you knew how to. Thank you from the bottom of my heart ♥♥
Hi-chan (火ちゃん)hinoai on December 3rd, 2006 04:57 am (UTC)
Oh man... hands down, it's going to be either the blondes or the model-druggies that win, sadly. ;___; I don't like the guys and I've wanted an all-girl team to win FOREVER, but I hope that they don't because I don't want the first all-girl team to win the race to be such bitches! ;_;

I really wanted the Cho brothers to win.. when they left, I was really sad, because they were the last team that was really interesting (I think that this time, most of the really interesting teams went out right away. It's too bad). I'm really looking forward to the Allstars season!!! Though I heard that Rob and Amber are going to be back, and I DON'T want them to win. ;____;
Momokoxelloss_poo on December 3rd, 2006 05:13 am (UTC)
I know. I sort of hope that the black women win, even though they're pretty catty themselves at times. Yeah, I was sort of cheering for the Islamic guys, and they went right away. Then my hopes were pinned on the Cho brothers and Alabama. Though I don't know why I wanted Alabama to win so much. For me they were sort of cute in a "country hick" sort of way. And then they all went away.

There's an Allstar season? Oooo. ^__^ That's going to be interesting. :) Though I don't want Rob and Amber to win either. I could barely stand them on the race they were in. But depending on who they get for that allstar season, it might be really hard to choose a team to root for. Those seasons are always the best and the worst, because each time one gets eliminated I get sad, but I'm still sort of happy that the other teams I like are still going on.
Hi-chan (火ちゃん)hinoai on December 3rd, 2006 05:49 am (UTC)
Yeah, at first I really liked the Islamic guys too!! When they went away right away, I was like, "oh no, here goes the season! ^^;;;;" I didn't really like Bama at first, because I found it hard to believe that people could be THAT ignorant that they had never met a gay person or used a cell phone or... but I think that it was just me who was ignorant, not realizing that there are probably a lot of people like them. I grew to love them a lot because they were so open and friendly, until Mary started to get really annoying. ^^;;; After that, it was Cho brothers all the way! I guess that the black women are my top runners right now, but I don't think that they really have any chance. ^^;;

Yeah, I saw the announcement a few weeks ago that Allstars was currently filming... so I guess that it will be next season! I've been waiting for this for such a long time!! ^o^ They haven't announced all of the teams though but they did say that Uchenna and Joyce are also coming back (though I've kept an eye peeled for them here, but I'm pretty sure that they won't come to Tokyo again ^^;;). I would really like the hippies from last season to be on it again!! More than anyone, I really think that they're the team that most deserved to win (whom actually did). ^^
Momokoxelloss_poo on December 3rd, 2006 06:07 am (UTC)
Yeah. I don't think the black women have a chance, but I can hope. Stranger things have happened in the race. And they did come in second in the last one, even after getting a yield.

Oooo. That sounds really exciting. ^^ I also hope that the hippies come back. They were just so positive and friendly and most social and they definitely played the cleanest game. I now have something to really look forward to. :)