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03 December 2006 @ 12:52 pm
A return to life~  
I can definitely say that I have some really, really great friends. Both here in person, and far away where I can't see them, I really do. Words from a lot of great people that I know have touched me when I've been feeling down. What I really would like you to know, I guess, is that it's not some famous person, or some philosopher or character, it's you my friends that are my heroes. The people who mean the most to me.

You could say that it's definitely my fault, what happened about two weeks ago. It doesn't even feel like it's been that long, but I guess that it was really the first week that passed ever-so-slowly. I've been bombarded with emails, many of whom I ignored (I'm sorry... I did read them, but replying has been difficult...), but it took about a week for me to sort out my thoughts and come to any kind of a realization about myself. I can't nor do I want to talk about what happened, but there is a friend involved that it will take a long time to get back to normal. But I do believe that eventually, things will be alright again. Other friends though, I feel closer to than ever, and this last week (week 2), I took plenty of time to take things slowly. I returned to work (though I didn't want to...) and spent a lot of time split between being quiet and thinking of my own emotions, and spending time with friends who care.

I won't say that I feel perfectly great now..... but, I feel a lot like myself. I'm mostly over what happened, though there is a lingering strong concern about things that probably won't go away soon... but otherwise, I've bounced back to myself for the most part. Maybe 82% myself, I guess I would say? I'm cheerful most of the time now, though it's very easy to remind me of other things and bring my mood down. I guess I'm feeling very fragile, but on the outside of the eggshell is me.. it makes sense to me, at least, and I hope it does to other people..........

One thing that I thought about a lot while I was "yukkuri"ing my life down (slowing), is that actually in some ways I feel lonely. That's why there are days when I just can't sit in my apartment without the TV on (and it has to be english-language programs). Not even movies, it's got to be tv shows and the like. It's because with that on, it feels like there is someone home with me, but it's not someone who has to talk to me and disturb what I'm doing. There just should be someone there. I actually don't watch a lot of stuff, I mostly leave it on and listen to it and occasionally look at it, but I'll leave one or two shows on all day if I'm home all of the time. It's interesting..... sometimes, I listen to music (like now), but only when I need to really think or am really absorbed in something creative (writing or drawing). Even if I read, I need something else in the room to make noise. (By the way, stuff I watched this week.... Feel free to talk to me about these shows if you like them too, anytime. I really love them and don't usually have anyone to talk to about them)

So.... I'm not sure what else to say. I want to talk about the holidays, but right now, I'm going to be quiet and take a long bath. Need to take some time to myself again, today.... back to work tomorrow but soon it'll be Christmas break, which I'm really looking forward to☆ Ah, and new blog layout for winter, what do you think? I think I'll change it seasonally from now on.

And these are some pictures that I wanted to post...
The day before the accident, I went out with Hwen and some other friends. It was snowing that day (Tokyo is SO COLD!! Anyone who says otherwise is a LIAR) and we went to an animation at Adrian's school in Akihabara. Completely randomly literally ran into A-chan at the station, lol... It happens so often, I really do believe that Tokyo is a lot smaller city than it seems!

My lovely photography skills:

Only in Japan would all of the bestselling ties be PINK.

I went to the movies with Jun on Friday and this was in the central plaza shopping area. I loved it, so I had to take a picture.

Last night went with Eda and Erin to try a new Mexican food place where the food was half off between 5 and 7. I just love the drawings on the wall!!

And passing by an eatery last night... oh man, they have some really interesting choices, I want to try them out!
Green potato curry sandwich, currant&earl gray tea muffins, etc...

Well..... I am really moving on with my life. I will repair the friendship that was involved in what happened, and eventually things will be lovely again. Here's to always hoping for the best, and on making sure that this holiday season is a great, beautiful one. ^^

PS: I saw "The Devil Wear Prada" in the theater, and I really want to get Anne  Hathaway's haircut. Do you think it would look good on me? So chic..! Jun thinks that I already look a lot like her..... hmmmm..... (though I can't afford couture of course, nor is all of it any good... oh man, and I think that Japanese fashion is bad? Not even comparable!)

Planning some short trips this holiday season, and some for right after March when my contract ends. Gonna expand my horizons by visiting great places that I've never been to (cheapest ones first ^^).

My Switch wo Osu Toki dvd came yesterday, and I still haven't watched it... same with Rokkaku myu which I've had ever since the day the bad thing happened.... I need to watch them, but my japanese has been suffering really badly..

So, here is to the me that is more in touch with me, and more attentive to what my conscience/emotions are telling me. Here is to the dawn, where the twilight made me really think about a lot of things about me and what I wasn't doing for myself. Here is to the dawn of treating the important things as important as they should be.

And I thank all of you. Thank you for taking the time to comment on my journal when I was having a really hard time, and for taking the time to write me/ call me/ email me if you knew how to. Thank you from the bottom of my heart ♥♥
aly Says \ ألينramble_corner on December 4th, 2006 02:36 am (UTC)
ooh Welcome back ♥♥

Good to see you feeling more upbeat again..

shmeebs on December 4th, 2006 11:37 am (UTC)
welcome back to the world of the lj-living~!!
long gone with her red shoes on: d/a just us TLWredshoeson on December 5th, 2006 01:51 am (UTC)
Glad to have you back, and to hear that you are on the path to recovery. ♥ I'm really out of the loop, so I have a couple of quick q's:

+ What will you do when your contract is up?
+ What is the "accident" you spoke of?
+ What did you think of the Bones ep you saw? :D
Hi-chan (火ちゃん)hinoai on December 5th, 2006 05:46 am (UTC)
+ I plan to work fulltime somewhere in the art industry. I really want to debut in manga before then, but if it doesn't happen, then I will find some other way! I may have to scramble, but I'm going to make it work somehow! ^^
Hi-chan (火ちゃん)hinoai on December 5th, 2006 05:49 am (UTC)
+ I plan to work fulltime somewhere in the art industry. I really want to debut in manga before then, but if it doesn't happen, then I will find some other way! I may have to scramble, but I'm going to make it work somehow! ^^

+ Right now, I can't really talk about the accident, not even to my close friends like you, gomen. ^^; It's just too fresh. But someday....

+ I love Bones!!! ^o^ But I didn't really like this episode, it was too gruesome, and I swear that they were taking a page out of the Blair Witch Project. (which I love, but..) And my favorite part of the series recently, the relationship between Hodgins and Angela, was kind of shifted to the side. I thought that they'd forgotten about it until the line near the end about spending the night over. I'd really like to see more of the relationship, there was so much leading up to it, and then it suddenly shifted to completely unseen. o.x
Pudgy: leftout animepudgym on December 5th, 2006 07:53 am (UTC)
I smile and hug.

I was Googling{™?} for something completely different about Tokyo, and the results included this LiveJournal.

On one hand, I have made the setting in my LJ to not allow its spidering, and I usually encourage other LJ'ers to do similarly.

But then I wouldn't have found yours.
My advice to you is...
deep breaths
deep breaths

I find admirable what you have opted to try and do for your living. To move to where the jobs in the field you want are is direct. I feel too many people run in circles trying to achieve their objective; which usually never succeeds.

I have a middling interest in anime.
I have added you as a Friend. I could get lost in the forest of your other Friends, but that's o.k.
That you have so many of them will make it much easier to ride out this pothole in your life.

The reason I was Googling was because I am coming to Tokyo later this week to cover the F.I.F.A. Club World Cup 2006 (football|soccer tournament) in there & Yokohama.

I'm staying at a hostel in Asakusa. I'll be posting on my LJ during the stay.
[If you wish, you can go into my older entries to see what happened to me there last December. They're public.]

Hang in there. Think positive thoughts! And breathe deeply. ;=)#

Hi-chan (火ちゃん)hinoai on December 5th, 2006 09:47 am (UTC)
Re: I smile and hug.
Thank you for the long comment! ^____^ And welcome to my journal! =D

Ahh! This weekend, I'll be in Yokohama too!! ^o^ Have a great time in Tokyo!!
DAC, the curious little catboy_dac_ on December 5th, 2006 08:25 am (UTC)
Welcome back. :D *hugs*
Glad you're feeling more normal.
uncreativemeuncreativeme on December 5th, 2006 04:21 pm (UTC)
Glad to see you're doing better! (^^)
ya_ya_chan on December 7th, 2006 06:33 am (UTC)
I'm very glad to see you back^^
Aya: Fujiiceblueaya on December 8th, 2006 08:24 am (UTC)
I'm glad you're back and doing better. Had me worry for a while ^.^