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01 February 2005 @ 04:02 am
omg.. Ryoma has no penis!!  
In other words, I saw the Prince of Tennis movie tonight with some friends. ^^

Eda wrote a lovely, detailed review here, so please read!

I'm going to write my own review now! =^__^= Of course, you know just how my tastes run, so expect a little more comments in some areas and a little bit less in others. There's going to be a lot of spoilers in here, even for the funniest parts, so you are fairly warned! ^.^ It might spoil things for you!!! I know that some of them caught me off guard, and were totally hilarious for it! <3 ^.^ Read at your own risk, please!

The movie starts out with a flashback sequence to when Ryoma was a little kid. He was climbing a tree to grab an orange off of a high branch, when it fell down. Lo and behold, it lands on someone's tennis racket. Why, hello Ryoga! He wastes no time in belittling "chibisuke" Ryoma and taking a bite out of "his orange." A bite, like right through the skin. Because... orange peel tastes so delicious, I imagine... o.o;; Chibi Ryoma chases after him shouting "ore no orangey! Kaete!" very very very cutely! But of course, Ryoga strips off his shirt (he's a whole 7 years old, whee!) and jumps off a cliff into the ocean. And takes another bite of the orangey. Poor little Ryoma is left on the cliff all alone shouting.

At this point, Ryoma wakes up and blinks up at the sun where he thinks he sees a silhouette of a man (or so) tossing an orange in the air, and then biting it. Mmm, orangey peel! Mysterious character (aka Ryoga, wow good brainpower there!) leaves and Ryoma holds his hand up to the light and sits up, blinking off the sleep. "Yume... ka?" he says to himself. ("A dream..?") Turns out that he's been lounging in the sun on a cruise ship. Cue Eiji and Momo showing up, believing that Ryoma is wearing far too many clothes! Eiji promptly strips off Ryoma's shirt without listening to his protests and he and Momo tag team him and grab grope him, getting ready to throw him into the pool. Only, they don't make it quite so far. They're stopped by Ryuuzaki and some scary looking pimp. So, Eiji and Momo stand next to the pool holding groping Ryoma. Seriously, Momo has one hand between Ryoma's thighs holding one of his legs and the other hand around his waist, and Eiji has his arms around Ryoma's chest/head area. Notice that Ryoma stops struggling even though they hold him sideways for a good 5 minutes while they flash back to tell how everyone got here.

Whee, they've been invited to play an exhibition match against a ragtag team assembled from tennis players from all over the world. OMG, their names... Do you think that english names said in japanese sound funny? Try German and French ones.. XD;;; The team is a bit freaky and stupid.. and really, they're not so good. Anyways, everyone but Ryoma is thrilled about the free cruise.

Ryoma finally gets thrown in the pool and the other two run off to practice. Ryoma eventually joins the whole team, and then we 'meet' the team, and Ryoga officially. Yeah, he bites another orange. Um, yum. o.o He seems shocked that Ryoma doesn't know who he is and introduces himself as Ryoma's brother. It takes Ryoma a little bit, but he finally flashes back some more and remembers him.. Everyone's as shocked as we are that Ryoma has a brother. It turns out that he's not Ryoma's real brother, but he was adopted unofficially by Nanjiroh when they lived in the states, and ran away the first time that Ryoma beat him in a game, when he was 5. Funny, though, that the boy who looks just like a combination of Nanjiroh and Echizen 'isn't' blood-related. I think he's seriously Nanjiroh's illegitimate love child.

Well... the movie gets a little repetitive to repeat here. Basically, there are a few matches, and everything is beautifully animated. I love Kawamura's burning here!! <33 He really lights it up! (Though Ryoma's burning puts him to SHAME later! XD More on that..) Everyone goes to dinner dressed like rejects in suits of varying taste, and Ryoga doesn't hesitate to throw thinly veiled insults at Ryoma. Ryoma just stares obsessively at him the whole time. =D Oh, the slash!! Inui decides that something is wrong because when he and Ryoma make a trip together as bathroom-buddies (I feel so close to them.. do that all the time with my friends! =D), he finds out that the walls aren't made of marble, but just wood with pretty marble wallpaper. This doesn't mean the decorator's cheap, apparently it means that something is wrong. Lovely Inui. =DDD Meanwhile, the pimp, aka the owner of the ship and new antagonist, Sakurafubuki, and Ryoga meet with Tezuka and Oishi. "Hey, we want you to lose the match because a lot of rich people are bidding on it and we can make a fortune on you. Remember we paid for you to come here.." yada yada yadda.. you get the point. XD; They are like... "...... uh, no kthx." until the scary chef shows up at the door and stabs a chicken repeatedly. Yeah........

Team meeting time! Of course they won't lose on purpose! So they don't.. they clobber the other team in the first 3 doubles matches and rightfully scare the piss outta them! The other team complains about how crazy and good Seigaku is and they just can't win. Sakuralongname is mad, but Ryoga swears that his team will win all of the singles matches.

Uh, and somewhere in here there is random stuff showing Atobe calling Oshitari and Gakuto (who is eating like a million little odango-on-a-stick things) in here. Atobe is wearing PURPLE FRILLY PAJAMAS. The audience squealed in delight. So gay? I think so! =DDDDDD Anyway, it has sort of a purpose I'm sure. Mainly to be fanservice, but also to bring Atobe in at the end.

Well since things aren't going so well, Sakurasddhdrgefwe kidnaps Seigaku and holds the team hostage with Mr Chef as guard. Fuji, Tezuka, and Ryoma, who are the singles matches, are escorted forcibly to the court. Fuji keeps reminding himself to lose (and starting Higuma Otoshi but not finishing because he remembers in the middle..), until.. whoa, guess who escaped! =D;; It turns out that Seigaku fed the cook Inui's juice (yes yes XD) and he passed out! XD They're running around the ship ala Jack and Rose in Titanic, except for Momo, who dances on top of the stands for Fuji's benifit. Ooh, pretty higuma otoshis win the day and the match.

Then it's Tezuka's turn..... this is where I died laughing. I was not the only one. The entire theater was laughing so hard they couldn't breathe! At least, I couldn't breathe, but it was for a good reason! Gah, does Tenipuri ever know how to make fun of itself!!!!!!!! You have to see this for yourself. Tezuka's "Tezuka zone" involved the earth, the cosmos (in which his tennis ball was earth, yes he's that cool and stuff) and then.. there were DINOSAURS. WTF? It was like.... pure unadulterated CRACK! I'm with his opponent, who was standing there stunned. I'd be stunned too if suddenly my opponent's ball turned into a planet racing through the solar system and then into a comet striking earth and killing all of the dinosaurs!! He was knocked off the court, which was the last straw. I was laughing so hard I was crying! It was the most ridiculous thing I've EVER seen!!! TEZUKA ZONE!! OMG... this can't be explained in words.... it just can't. I wish I had pictures, but there were none of this in the program, and I'm glad there weren't because I was glad to be surprised. Guess Tezuka won. ^_^;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;; omg it's too wrong and funny for words! XD;;

Okay, the movie producers said let's continue the crack! Cue Ryoma's pivotal match. Of course, Ryoga can hit balls that come right up to Ryoma's racked and suddenly turn a 90 degree angle in midair.. XD; Ryoma's like... "twist serve!" and I think.. that's not a twist serve. Sure it twists and it's a serve, but your twist serve is so much more believeable lamer than that! Ryoma seems to think so and tries to return his next ball... only to have it hit him because it's not really a twist ball! More flashbacks while he's knocked to the ground. Whee, but he gets up and ready to continue, and in the middle of things, Seigaku gets shot at and eventually captured. But a pipe is ruptured, which causes the ship to start to, uhh.... explode. But even though everyone runs screaming, Ryoga and Ryoma just want to play tennis... Gee, didn't see that coming, did you? ^^;; So their hits start to time to the explosions. A little bit musical, if you ask me... and insert crack......... gee, you didn't think that we'd had enough? Oh ho ho ho noooo~~! Ryoma pulls the cyclone smash on Ryoga and so Ryoga has to up the ante, suddenly kind of turns into this water spout thing a little bit like a water cyclone.. hits it back. But Ryoma's like, noooo way is that good enough for me! HE turns into a firey cyclone, and because one isn't enough, on the next return, splits into 5 of them! o.o Hey, the boat is exploding now, but they don't notice.

It gets better.. next time we see Ryoma, his clothes literally BURN OFF and he's naked! And in a moment that looks almost EXACTLY like Kevin's 'famous' naked scene in the Jr Senbatsu finals, he's naked and hitting a ball, as featureless down below as a newborn baby~! XD;;;;;;;; SO HILARIOUS! (And Ryoma and Kevin have even more in common! XD) Everyone was rolling with laughter! Oh, it gets worse. His clothes return, and whoa.. hey, Ryoga returns. At this point, a HUGE WAVE rolls in and completely buries the ship in water. Whatever people are left are running for their lives. But what do we see next...............? Ryoma running for the ball underwater and returning it back! And Ryoga returns it, both fighting underwater, bubbles coming from their mouths! Nobody can breathe now, it's so hilarious! And played off like it's totall supposed to be serious! It's SO like Ryoma! OMG, ::dies::.... Well, they can't breathe, so they take it to the sky......... seriously. Ryoma rises on a pillar of fire and Ryoga on one of water (because their serves are so cool?) They....... uhh, seriously, start flying after the ball and it just completely goes to crack. Ryoga finally falls away and Ryoma gets the ball... whee!!! ^____^ =DDDDDD They were FLYING. In Tenipuri!!!!!! :O

After this, they're lying back on the deck of the ship, which is almost completely destroyed but now devoid of water. Ryoga apparently finds a jet ski thingie because the next you see them, he's riding it with Ryoma crouched behind him and throws Ryoma into the water next to Seigaku's life raft. And then steals his hat and rides off into the sunset. They watch him go.

...........and so does Atobe, who rides by in a yacht titled "Atobe 3".... zomg. ::ded:: XDDDDD;;;;;

They watch Ryoga ride into the sunset while the credits roll.......................

And here we start Atobe's fun house!

It was a mess of crack. I mean... just fanservice. Honestly, the first part of the movie was better because it was just SO hilarious and full of crack, but this was good for the RIVALS. Here is the rundown as I remember.........

Whee, Atobe's having a party and you're all invited~~!

Kabaji, of course is there, and starts watching this girl all wistfully... nomg, Kabaji in love.......... you can't believe how cute/hilarious this is until you see this with your own eyes! It's quite entertaining how Atobe is very, very, very obviously jealous. XD;;;

For what happens, please see Dilettantka's report. XD;; I can't remember most of it, there were SO many rivals, all doing various things! XD; OMG it was very cute!

My favorite parts were
-when Kamio ran out of a little ramen shop holding his mouth, because Tachibana has made him some disgusting still-moving bowl of fish soup. He runs right into Inui, who offers some of his scary super special Inui juice instead! XD
-The Jimi's coming to have their fortunes read. I squealed Tenimyu love!
-The matchmaking game which included Hanamura sensei, and a rather disturbing Ryuuzaki-sensei in a short red minidress and fishnet stockings.... o.o;; And Fuji's sister.
-Dan following Akutsu.. the dialogue was simple so I knew what he was saying ("where are we going? where are we going?") but I imagined it (and it looked like it) as "can we have sex now? how about now? now?"
-rather amusing scene in the relay race with Ryoma and various ukes on the shoulders of other people in the water, and Ryoma reaches for Tezuka's hand... it touches, all dramatic-like!! XD
-The American team is shown briefly sitting in the grandstands watching the relay, wearing their JR Senbatsu outfits. Guess Atobe invited them too! XD I was the only one in the theater who squealed during this part, but believe me, I will squeal again! ~<3 KEEEEVIN!!!!!!!!!! <33333

And then it's time for the end of the relay, and Tezuka runs neck-and-neck with Atobe..... As they're running, the large sign over the finish line is loosening itself and about to fall.... and fall it does, injuring Atobe....................... but you can't notice that, because obviously everyone in our audience was a yaoi fan (ourselves included) and squeals loudly over how Atobe has managed to fall half on top of Tezuka and they lay there with Atobe's arm around Tezuka's neck. It's SO VERY VERY obviously put there for the slash fans (aka all of the fans!). There's no doubt in my mind. XD; Amid the squeals of the theater's audience (us included) Tezuka helps Atobe over the finish line with him and they tie. =D;; and kiss

At the end, there is a little dance, and you find out that it's really Kabaji's long lost sister. He goes to dance with her all cute-like, and when he comes back, Atobe explains that this whole party was for Kabaji's birthday. But Kabaji comes up and explains, "it's not my birthday today..." Atobe has to deal with this one and for a few moments is very amusedly upset, then he calms and comes up to Kabaji, puts his hand on his shoulder and says, "Well for this year, today is your birthday.. NAA, KABAJI?" Kabaji just replies, "Uus." with a bit of a smile. =D

Then, uh................ because there wasn't enough crack or sweet moments, the whole part of Tokyo that the party is taking place on turns into a plane... and takes off.. and below, spelled out in lights is written "Kabaji, itsumo arigatou." (Thank you always, Kabaji the sex last night was wonderful) It is sooooooooooooooo syrupy sweet!!! Kabaji looked happy and you just couldn't help but smile! Soooo sweet!!

Whee, the movie was over! And we left, going.......... "...........!!!!!!! OMG that was crack!!!!" And it really was! I just can't do it justice with a summary.. you have to see this for yourself! I'm so going to see this again! (since I already bought tickets that I can't pick up until the 10th, of course! But I would anyway! =D)

Oh man, I didn't mean to write this much! But there was so much to say! This movie was pure and utter crack and fanservice! It lets you know right away that a plot isn't really important, just the crack. =D!!!!!!!!!!!! ::dies:: My next post will be the scans of the program.. =D And then BED! (It's only, uh.... 4 am ^^;;)
Current Music: Prince of Tennis - We Love SEIGAKU
Hi-chan (火ちゃん)hinoai on February 2nd, 2005 02:49 pm (UTC)
Re: zomg... XD
LOL.. =D

Hihi, who are you? =D Do you have a livejournal account? If not, I'd love to know where you found this report... just so I know where it's getting passed around. =D;;;