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14 June 2003 @ 10:44 am
This is going to be really random..  
Just wondering why are half the people on my friend's list in a constant state of depression.. I'm just wondering what it is in this world that makes it so sad to live in. I mean, why do you want to be depressed? Or rather, you probably don't, but.. *sigh* Okay, I've been there. I've been depressed enough to the point where I wanted to die, but now, years later, I'll never EVER go back. I know what it's like to be happy, and while I do have my down moments more often than I'd like, I'm generally a cheerful person. I have fun all the time, and work hard on my projects. In general I love life and having fun. So *huggles* cheer up everyone! It's a lot more pleasant to have fun with your life rather than be sad all the time.

In other news. I'm working on a new lj-layout.. I haven't done a real full layout since my first layout, so this will be interesting to see if it works. I worked on it all night last night, so much so that I slept in. My sleeping schedule is crumbling, help!! I need to remember that my self-imposed bedtime is midnight!! X-x... *fwaps self* It's hard without that extra push. ^^; But I like being able to get up early. It makes me feel all warm and snuggly. ^^

Worked on my costume the other day. There's still a LOT more to do on it but hopefully I'll get all the sewing done on Monday. Today is the day to make the cross for the back of Kuroro's jacket. Cross your fingers!! ^^ I HOPE it comes out right! ^^;;

Yesterday I went to the AAWL again and painted. It was nice and relaxing. I love being able to help out. ^^ And I found out that although it stays sticky, yes you CAN paint bulletin boards! XD It was a nice experiment! I painted a happy face on my pants leg. It's okay because they are my painting pants.. I wonder if it will come off in the wash. We'll see!! ^_____^ I hope not!

YAYYYY Harry Potter book 5 comes out in less than a week!! *dies* I can't wait! I hope that I saved up enough money to buy it! I'm going to scrounge the ads in tomorrow's paper to see if there's any good deals!! *bounces* Does anyone know of any stores that willl be selling it really cheap? ^^

I'm thinking of taking a quarter off of school.. We'll see. I'm completely burnt out, it might help. Then again, maybe not. *sighs* I don't know. I might stick with it but cut down my classes until I can get my ass back on track. Maybe that will work... Or just take easy classes. Damn, two years before I burned out. *sigh*

Had a spat with my favorite roomie. But I think things are better now. Maybe she'll go out with me later.
Speaking of which, Jill and I were supposed to see a movie this weekend. But we never made plans. ^^; Well, we'll see.We might not have time, but we'll see. ^^; *huggles*

Lauren, Valerie, and I need to have a summer break party! Just because it sounds like fun!! *bounces*

Going to Amanda and Tiffiny's on Monday to work on costumes. I think I have the skit idea all done! If we have time (haha) then we can work on it. Going shopping on Tuesday with Kanvis to get his costume stuffs. Whee, he will make a GREAT Hisoka!! ^^

Oh yes! And Elvy and I are collaborating on making her Digital Syntax manga become a reality! I have to wait until break to work on it thought. Mouu... But I think she's right about that. I wouldn't have the time until then. ^^;;

Well, ja! I'm off to draw and watch anime! ^__^

Sweet! Nagi can teleport! And he gets his ass kicked, but then kicks that psychic chick's ass! Whee, go Nagi! I luuuuuuuuv you! ^.~

*fans self* Kurapica + Killua. Yeah, that's what I'm talking about. I wonder how Kurapica's going to deal with this. And his reactions determine how I'll make Kuroro deal with it. Kuroro doesn't even know about the little kiss. He probably wouldn't care if it was just a kiss. Though, he might.. it all depends on how the facts are presented. And poor Killua. The boy is all messed up now, I think. I'm still rooting for some nice Killua x Gon, though I keep thinking of a tenderly sweet Kurapica x Killua. Mmmm, yes. can't you just see it? I'd finally get to see Kurapica as a seme so that he could teach Killua.. *smiles* That'll probably never happen, but it makes for -great- daydreams.. *sighs happily* Now I don't think that Kuroro would like that too much. *pets him* My poor bishie, I'm sorry for being mean to you on purpose. You know I can't resist some bishounen torture. ^^ Man, and if Kuroro doesn't like it, that doesn't bode well for Kurapica. Even though Kuroro's more in love with him than ever, he's getting less gentle with him as he gets accustomed to always having him around. Planned, of course. They can't last forever, though I looooooooooooove them together! I can't wait until a breakup, though they at least have to last through Leorio. Then even better will be the niiiiiiiiice makeup ^___^ Oh yes, it will happen one day! If they ever break up that is. ^^

Hmm I just had a Ytheru x Alix idea.. *grins* I must tell Shumea the next time that I talk to her.

Heheheee.. and in weissdiaries, I'm hatching plots all around with various people. ^.~ And they'll come out eventually. If we do it right, this community is going to be really fun!!!! ^__________^ I love the things going on in it right now. ^^ Feel free to plan things, and only tell the chracters involved in it. You can hint things in your journals, but remember you know that others are reading it! *eg*

This song reminds me of Trigun. Of course. And Cowboy Bebop. Of course. ^.~

Allright, I'd definitely take him. But couldn't we just sit outside and play instead? Sex, what is this world's obsession with sex anyways? How is it better than chocolate? Down with Love had that right.

You could be having sex with...

Don't be fooled by that sweet look! Omi knows more
than he lets on, but admit it: that whole innocent act really gets you off,
doesn't it? Doesn't it???

Which Weiß Kreuz Boy Could You Be Having Sex With?@Weiß Versa

XDXDXD Well that would be my second favorite pairing, it only fits. ^.~

You're special. You have *psychic* sex. Go you!

Who's Your Inner Schwarz Pairing? @ Weiß Versa

I didn't take the Weiss yaoi quiz.. I'm just not a big fan of any all-weiss pairs. Though some of them are fine and everything. The most appealing seems like it would be Ken x Omi, but I don't really like Ken. Am I the only one? Sorry, not into jocks. Except Prince of Tennis ones.. *grins* And Ryoma isn't really a jock anyway. I don't know enough about the others to really drool over them yet. Speaking of which. *disappears to watch some more*
Current Mood: awake
Current Music: Shakkazombie - shiroi yami no naka
Pure Trance: kurtpure_trance on June 14th, 2003 10:55 am (UTC)
Well, I personally try to be a happy person myself. I'm generally happy, hyper and silly...when I'm not at home. It seems that as soon as I step in the door my parents have to ruin it. Like last night...when I got home my mom was all nice to me, seconds later she turns it around and says that I have to get my license and drag HER around if I don't want to take the (goddam fucking piece of shit) bus. So I say that I want to wait 7 months until I turn 18 to take the test because then i don't have to go through all this other shit first, just to get a partial license. She tells me that that's the most disgusting thing I could say. It just strikes me as heartless that she wants me to do for her what she won't do for me and is willing to put any future jobs on the line because I don't have a reliable ride. It really urks me how I disgust her, but she doesn't care about anything more than the fact that torturing me will give her a couple more minutes to sit on her ass.
So you see...this is just one of many similar things that make me super-stresed, sad, or pissed off in my house.
Laurenblackjedii on June 14th, 2003 11:34 am (UTC)
I think I've had my bout of depression, don't think I need another one for a good while, ^.^; Don't know what really triggers them besides being alone for long periods of time anyway.

And I don't like Ken that much *hides from the Ken lovers* He just, bleh. Hotheads bother me.
Owlsie .:*・°☆: Arima & Yukino [Forever - by Pikachu]alsie on June 14th, 2003 11:50 am (UTC)
Hmm..I have a ton of people on my friends list that are depressed, too u_u; but, I've been down recently as well, so it's not really my place to talk. I've just been having bad relationships [friend-wise] lately.

::grins:: I've been planning some stuff, actually, with the RP. I think that Omi and Aya will be having a relationship some time in the future. ^^; Me and kyofujimiya RPed last night [which I posted in forever_a_dream, in case you want to check it out] and it was awesome! ::cough:: But yeah...I have a feeling this RPG is going to really be great ^^
Hi-chan (火ちゃん)hinoai on June 14th, 2003 12:30 pm (UTC)
XD I was going to go read it, but the journal is friends-only. ^^; I added your other journal, if you add me back, I can read it! Whee!!


Aya x Omi, eh? XD Can't wait to see! I have a subplot going with Omi too, *grins* though probably not of the same vein.. hehe
forever_a_dream on June 14th, 2003 01:12 pm (UTC)
You're all added! I don't post too often in that journal, but when I do, there's quite a bit! Over the past 2 days I've posted RPs from Tachi x Ma-kun, Lucas x Frost [if you're curious, I can explain who they are - since they're OCs], and Aya x Omi - which is a lot, hehe.

I'm glad you're interested in reading! ^^
piperz on June 14th, 2003 12:08 pm (UTC)
I'm not really in a constant state of depression. Just, as of late, I've been having some series IRL issues... which brings out my sad entries... Other than that, I'm relatively cheery. ^-^

Ahh... LJ layouts. I'm still hoping that Shin will finish the one she said she would make for me... buuutttt... after all this time, I think I've been forgotten.. u.u Ah well... ^-^
The Reluctant Sadistsplix on June 14th, 2003 01:07 pm (UTC)
Depression is not something, generally, that can be fixed with an exhortation to cheer up, no matter how well-meaning. In many cases it's largely clinical - an actual chemical imbalance. There are steps one can take toward eradicating it (upping serotonin with sunshine, physical exercise, getting enough sleep and eating right, sometimes meds), but it requires effort, and depressed people often feel too low and defeated to take certain measures.

It's great that you've conquered your own depression. Just have a little patience with those who haven't quite reached your level of happiness yet. :)
~*split personality*~: dorkanomay on June 14th, 2003 02:25 pm (UTC)
Yes, depression isn't something that people can just snap out of it on a whim. ^_^

Cheering up will help in the short run, but in the long run, it takes a lot of time and effort of those involved to help themselves.
Miwa Satoshi: ilpalazzomiwasatoshi on June 14th, 2003 02:36 pm (UTC)
Amen. A lot of people are going through stress in their lives, and telling them to just "get over it" does not help.
athenazandrite on June 14th, 2003 04:42 pm (UTC)
Amazon UK is selling the british version for 14.1995 USD (8.49 british pounds) That's fifty percent off. Children's version or <http://www.amazon.co.uk/exec/obidos/asin/0747569401/026-0048379-1890026> Adult Version</a>

O_o taking a quarter off school. I can see that being nice. I'm taking the summer off so I guess I'm really lazy. Of couse they only offer one of my classes and it starts before I get back from expo and I am not willing to make up the days. Sometimes you just need breaks. Will you have money issues if you're not in school?

That rp was so cute! *_* I never know where it's going.

Ken's ok. Not my personal fave though.

And not everyone who is depressed has clinical depression. It is 'in style' right now to be depressed. Nearly every teenager you run into has angst issues. Some of us never grew out of it. And some of us are clinically depressed. Those of us without imbalances do indeed need to get over it and learn to balance their life better and find things to make themselves happy, make life worthwhile. And those with imbalances need medical help. Because it's no way to go through life.
+ tempus . perdo . omnia +littletrowa on June 14th, 2003 05:13 pm (UTC)
Honestly, hon. Do we WANT to be depressed? Hell when you were depressed way back when, did you WANT to be there? Sometimes there is just NOTHING or at least near nothing a person can do in a second to make depression go away. It's just how it is. The world is a hard place to live in, even if someone has money and love and everything they could ask for. Sometimes I'm depressed for absolutely no reason. It is also in my family - genetically. It is that way for a lot of people. Yeah my life isn't a bucket of flowers or fruit, but ya know I still would get by contently to be happy most of the time, instead of down. I'd give a lot to be "happy", but hey. It's nothing that can just happen with a snap of ones fingers. Even in trying to seek therapy, a new job, meds, etc - all the people I have talked to, supposed doctor's etc, tell me it takes time. For crying out loud two weeks with no call or anything to even SET something up. Time, time, time and more time. And sometimes even with an immense amount of time things aren't fixed. I have my moments of happiness, but when I'm depressed I'm depressed and I try to at least attempt to do something to cheer myself up or cheer others up. I don't like seeing anyone unhappy or depressed, and I hate being depressed myself... *laughs* Why the hell would I enjoy being depressed ya know? I can understand where your annoyance or whatever it is, is coming from though. There have been points for me too where I dislike reading my friends list to only hear about everyone's unhappiness, all the trama and depression they are going through. It just brings a damper down on people's moods, really. I have tried to post more happy stuff, or at least not post when I am really, really down. But sometimes I just don't reach a happy point so there are like no posts for me. So I kind of gave up on that. It's just who I am I guess. I'd much rather be happy all the time, but alas. Shit hits the fan too much around me and others I love. But I understand what you mean about reading all sorts of sad stuff all the time - it gets old, and it makes one feel very unhappy themselves. The best advice I can give you is rather than not understanding it or getting frustrated about it - go and ask the person what it is that makes them sad, or just talk, or see if there is anyway to make them happier? Sometimes for me, just talking to people, RPing, something silly like that can brighten my mood or throw me into the world or pretend for a moment. Another way that works is getting off my ass and dealing with shit. >.<; It still takes time, but yeah. I can say all this because I have been on and off depressed for a large quanity of my life, with no real "reason" IMO. Sometimes things are fine and I just get down. I'm pretty much very dissatified with my life in general as a whole and it often puts my body and mind on shut-down. Ehn.

So enough from Yotan. ^^;

I just wanted to make sure you understand that I LOVE being happy. But I have not been truly happy for a while. Distractions are distractions, and I do not like being down or depressed. I'd never trade happiness for depression. What is the motive in that? I'm sure people would agree with me.


I'm glad you're happy tho
athenazandrite on June 15th, 2003 12:06 am (UTC)
Re: Riiight.
Do you know how many people have come to me suicidal? T_T Online. I used to try and help them. But I can't deal with that anymore. It makes me tired and brings on a sort of stress-depression. I still get about one every two months. And it's really sad because at this point I get so frustrated I just do not believe them anymore. I tell them to see a psychologist because I can't help them. And if they keep trying to talk to me about it, I put them on block. Not that I'm on AIM anymore but still... it's like nintey percent of the people I know online are suicidal at some point. Maybe I just can't understand it anymore. I mean... to come to someone who cares about you and tell them... 'I want to die, I'm going to do it. Help me.' If you know they care enough to be seriously bothered by this kind of thing...why would you do that to them? It's like saying 'you aren't good enough so why are you bothering?'. And at least eighty percent of the people who come to me, refuse to see a psychologist/psychiatrist. Why does everyone think the doctors are bad? You can't try one, have a bad experience and give up. Or even worse, refuse to listen to them.

So I guess this is just me getting it out where everyone's getting defensive about depression. I'm honestly beginning to think that the internet breeds it, there is no other explanation for such a condensed amount of manic depression. Either that or many people in real life are fibbing about how they feel.

((BTW I was not saying 'you' in reference to you Youji-kun. It was a generalized you. You've never imposed on me, and I mostly enjoy talking to you ((XD we can barely even hold long conversations you get so bombarded with IM's, much less say offensive things)) )

Look at me, not going to bed... yes,, this is a bad idea. Goodnight!
Hi-chan (火ちゃん)hinoai on June 15th, 2003 01:23 am (UTC)
Re: Riiight.
*pokes Thena-chan* You're still up? Ara, yep, bad idea being up. ^^ *snugs* I'm looking forward to/planning to see you in the morning.. *grins* Sleepy or not. ^.^
aionwathaaionwatha on June 14th, 2003 05:26 pm (UTC)
Miwa Satoshi: dangerousmiwasatoshi on June 14th, 2003 06:20 pm (UTC)
Check my LJ for what I have to say about depression - it's too long to fit in a comment field.

Don't misinterpret this, I'm not mad at you by any means ... but not all depression is created equal, and sometimes this simply aren't as hunkydory as we like to make them out to be on LJ.
Brenda Laraglass_zero on June 14th, 2003 06:42 pm (UTC)
You know jamie you are right...f you want to go out later when I get home and get some ice cream or some thing that would be L337!
Hi-chan (火ちゃん)hinoai on June 14th, 2003 07:00 pm (UTC)
Yay, ice cream!!!! XD *grins* When do you get home? I'm going out with Rachel and then to a movie (Finding Nemo again). If you want to go you can come with us! ^^ Or yay we can have ice cream when I get back tonight! I know you'll be back by then, since school is closed. =)
Brenda Lara: Crushglass_zero on June 14th, 2003 08:19 pm (UTC)
yeah I provably won't be done for maybe an hour or so more, so when you get back we can o to denny's or some other place that serves icecream that late. =P
EpicFXepicfx on June 15th, 2003 01:11 am (UTC)
::sighs:: Okay, I need to vent a little bit. I read Jamie's post and took it how it was: someone wishing her friends were happy and hoping she could brighten their day a bit. Everyone is entitled to their own opinion on something, and that was hers. So here's mine. ::grins:: So what's so wring with what she wrote, hmm? Too many of you took that far too personally, which throws up a few warning flags, but I don't want to get into that. I just want to defend Jamie on this. ::nods::

Come on, we've all been depressed now and then. Some of us more than others. Jamie more than a good chunk of you, and I'm fairly positive of that. Her views on life are what made her who she is today, and personally I share her "Want to be happy, think happy" mentality. I'm a BIG advocate of that. About 5 or so years ago my entire life changed in a manner of weeks due to a rather severe head injury . My personality shifted, my thinking process was radically altered for a time, in short I became a different person. My brain took about 1 year to "rewire" itself (rerouting pathways in the brain, basically), and during that time I made some of the biggest mistakes in my life. ::sighs:: Anyhow, after I got better I had a unique opportunity to look back on the past year and see the things that I'd done, the people I loved that I hurt.. it threw me into a serious depression. For the record, I was dating Jamie at the time this happened, and was completely in love with her. All that "changed" in a manner of days, and at the time, I didn't notice. I thought she had changed. "Everyone was acting different, but it wasn't me". So I broke up with her out of the blue, with no good reason, and it's probably the single biggest mistake I've made in my life. I pushed away a woman who loved me dearly, someone who still holds a huge part of my heart, and probably always will. I was mean, cruel, and spiteful, and she couldn't understand why I was acting the way I was. How could she. I didn't know myself. No one attributed it to my head injury until things were far too late. And that's what pushed me over the edge. I mean, can you imagine that? Basically seeing that a stranger ruined the life that you know, but always knowing that you could only blame it on yourself? It drove me insane, and it was REALLY hard for me to deal with. I am a very.. hmm.. "emotional" person. It's not that I get emotional, but I deal with emotions very, very well. This cut me to me knees. They told me my depression wasn't just due to the trauma, but due to a chemical imbalance they found when doing lots o' tests. One day, not long after hearing that from a doctor, I was sitting in my room, looking at myself in the reflection from a CD, and I decided that I didn't care what anyone said. I didn't care if it was "medical" or "mental", I wouldn't live my life being dragged down by things I couldn't change. And you know what? I'm still living like that. I changed my entire life, and began to turn it around. I smiled when I was sad, I fought back the anger, frustration and pain every hour of every day. And I won. I'm not advocating that it all just vanished.. far from it.. but dealing with your problems is part of growing up, people. Sooner or later we all have to face ourselves, our personal "situations" that get us down. Yeah, I know, whatever, that's ME, not YOU, but I'm trying to get through to you that Jamie was just expressing the same sort of philosophy that gets me through every single day. "Life is what you make of it..". Well, that's fairly true. You want to be depressed? Fine. Some people really do have some horrid problems that need some serious counseling or medical attention. But the majority of people who get "depressed" are just feeling down about things and they let it get a little out of hand. Some even need a reason to escape the pressures of normal life. Again, fine. But don't point fingers at Jamie because she doesn't share your views.. or maybe she just hit a little too close to home, and the pin-prick of self discovery was a little too pasinful for some of you to handle.
EpicFXepicfx on June 15th, 2003 01:12 am (UTC)

::sighs:: I hope no one got offended by any of my comments, because this wasn't meant to be a flame, just a defense of someone I think deserves defending. ::nods again and smiles:: So here's my two cents.
Miwa Satoshi: kurzwebermiwasatoshi on June 15th, 2003 01:38 am (UTC)
'Kay folks, we can stop amplifying the drama now.

People are depressed. Jamie doesn't want people to be depressed, since she has been there. This has been adequately explained.

Ergo ... no one needs to be defensive anymore.

And folks ... don't forget to check the date stamps on your reply posts! ^_^
EpicFXepicfx on June 15th, 2003 01:43 am (UTC)
Anyone want ice cream? It's only 1:45 am! Come on people! Ice cream run... ::waits:: .... ::waits:: ....

::sighs:: Sleep is over rated!